end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
