It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
