OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
