he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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