He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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