ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
