Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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