so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
