this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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