I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize