I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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