if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
