Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
