so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
