The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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