before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
