I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
