so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
