Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
