love makes seman taste better
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why do cheetos always look like penises
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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