OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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