I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
