she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
