I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
