Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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