We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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