yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
