what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
