Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
