I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
