I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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