i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
