woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
