toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
