it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Randomize
