I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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