My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
