The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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