Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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