No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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