i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
