If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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