You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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