Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize