I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
