I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
