Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
