biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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