david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
