...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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