Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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