Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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