I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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