She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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