Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
