I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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