i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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