i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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