so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize