Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
