We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And then he peed in my hair
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
