He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
God, I missed his penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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