Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's shark week go big or go home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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