Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This girl is more easily done than said...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
