I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
