just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
