did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
