One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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