I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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